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Cunning and captured

Free and endangered

April 22nd, 2007

Where Do We Go From Here? @ 01:30 pm

I either feel or want you to think I'm feeling:: hungry hungry
I'm listening to:: Mission- Dispatch

Hello! Remember me? I've been off lj for a while and pretty much out of my head, but I've decided to try and come back now. Let's see... how do I start?

I'm in a serious, sinking rut right now because I can't find anywhere to go. I've got to get out of this town or I will seriously lose my mind. And gods know, I don't have much and I have everything to lose. I have to get out of here, but there are so many problems I can't solve.

I can't go to college because I don't have my GED and I can't get my GED because my concentration, social phobia, hallucinations, and short term memory sucks. I'm not sick enough to go to a long-term hospital, nor do I want to. So, that leaves me with some sort of mental rehabilitation program, which are expensive and tough to find. They are out there, but the main problem is that I don't want to go, I shouldn't go, to a place that takes teens with behavioral/anger problems, because that is boot camp, no matter how pretty their photos are. I'm not being paranoid, all my doctors agree. There are places that don't take behavioral/anger problems, but they don't like people who hallucinate or cut themselves.

The closest I've come is this wilderness program called "Soltreks", who are "considering" taking me, if I go get a million of these psychiatric tests, which cost a little over a thousand dollars literally, and the tests prove I'm "stable" enough for their program. At first the program seemed great, but now... if they have no experience in handling/helping people who do hallucinate and have some self-abuse problems... it's probably not a place I should be. Even if I pass their tests they may not let me in because of my physical stuff, my IBS.
I love the mountains and being outdoors. When I was at Mt. Chea for spring break, it was a miracle. I was able to read and comprehend new books, do logic puzzles, and remember things.
Then I came back here and it was all gone.

So... what do I do now???

I know. I'll go scavenge the kitchen for leftovers. Then I'll eat chocolate to cheer myself up. Ahhh, the wonders of chocolate.
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Cunning and captured

Free and endangered