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Cunning and captured

Free and endangered

April 29th, 2007

(no subject) @ 05:45 pm

I either feel or want you to think I'm feeling:: amused amused
I'm listening to:: Innocent- Our Lady Peace

(I know, I've done this on my journal at least a dozen times, but I love it.)

The Soundtrack of your Life
So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question press the next button.
Ready? GO!

Opening Credits:
Don Quixote- from "Man of La Mancha"

Waking Up:
Stay Awake- Julie Andrews, from "Mary Poppins"

Falling In Love:
Don't Let Go- Bryan Adams

Fight Scene:
Whisper- Evanescence

Breaking Up:
Have You Ever Seen the Rain?- Creedence Clearwater

Life's Okay:
Fly Me to the Moon- Seatbelts

Mental Breakdown:
January Friend- Goo Goo Dolls

Changeless- Carbon Leaf

Believe- Cher

Happy Dance:
The Shoop Shoop Song- Cher
(one of the few songs I love despite the stupid lyrics)

Over My Head- The Fray

Final Battle:
Love Has No Pride- Linda Rondsdat

Death Scene:
Survivor- Destiny's Child
(Ha! I shall never die!)

End Credits:
Innocent- Our Lady Peace

I liked the end.

April 22nd, 2007

Where Do We Go From Here? @ 01:30 pm

I either feel or want you to think I'm feeling:: hungry hungry
I'm listening to:: Mission- Dispatch

Hello! Remember me? I've been off lj for a while and pretty much out of my head, but I've decided to try and come back now. Let's see... how do I start?

I'm in a serious, sinking rut right now because I can't find anywhere to go. I've got to get out of this town or I will seriously lose my mind. And gods know, I don't have much and I have everything to lose. I have to get out of here, but there are so many problems I can't solve.

I can't go to college because I don't have my GED and I can't get my GED because my concentration, social phobia, hallucinations, and short term memory sucks. I'm not sick enough to go to a long-term hospital, nor do I want to. So, that leaves me with some sort of mental rehabilitation program, which are expensive and tough to find. They are out there, but the main problem is that I don't want to go, I shouldn't go, to a place that takes teens with behavioral/anger problems, because that is boot camp, no matter how pretty their photos are. I'm not being paranoid, all my doctors agree. There are places that don't take behavioral/anger problems, but they don't like people who hallucinate or cut themselves.

The closest I've come is this wilderness program called "Soltreks", who are "considering" taking me, if I go get a million of these psychiatric tests, which cost a little over a thousand dollars literally, and the tests prove I'm "stable" enough for their program. At first the program seemed great, but now... if they have no experience in handling/helping people who do hallucinate and have some self-abuse problems... it's probably not a place I should be. Even if I pass their tests they may not let me in because of my physical stuff, my IBS.
I love the mountains and being outdoors. When I was at Mt. Chea for spring break, it was a miracle. I was able to read and comprehend new books, do logic puzzles, and remember things.
Then I came back here and it was all gone.

So... what do I do now???

I know. I'll go scavenge the kitchen for leftovers. Then I'll eat chocolate to cheer myself up. Ahhh, the wonders of chocolate.

February 5th, 2007

Snow Pics: @ 02:36 am

Current Location: Avoiding Sleeping
I'm listening to:: Easy Silence- Dixie Chicks

Simba and Eeyore chat about the snow.


(I took these pictures Feb, 2007)

February 2nd, 2007

Happy Snow!!! @ 02:33 am

I either feel or want you to think I'm feeling:: peaceful peaceful
I'm listening to:: Wunderkind- Alanis Morissette

I just finished a game of Frizzbee with my dog in the snow. At 1:00AM.

I'm so glad and thankful I was awake at 1:00 AM un-medicated so I could play in the snow. I even made a little tiny snowman! If the pics I took turn out, I'll post them tomorrow. Happy Snow!!

January 31st, 2007

Bla and TV stuff @ 08:01 pm

I either feel or want you to think I'm feeling:: crappy crappy
I'm listening to:: Memory- Cats


The pipes in my house froze again last night. That means no water. My landlord and his friend came by and fixed them earlier, but it took a long time with me standing around freezing, since I didn't have a jacket on, because I couldn't think of a polite way to go inside and leave them. For a while it was just the landlord's friend there, and it seemed mean for me to leave him by himself, and I didn't want to invite him in, since I didn't know him and I live alone. I think I went in finally when my shivering was affecting my speech.

I have to get a tetnus shot. I hate needles. I'm terrified. I knew one guy who got a tetnus shot and he was crying afterwards and this is a guy who never cried. The wilderness program I'm trying to get into requires it for your application to be considered. Not fair! I should at least be accepted before having to do that! Aghhh....

In other health news, I've got one other medicine to try to help my hernia, before surgery is "considered". Which with this guy "consider" means "yes". It's laser surgery at least, so that's not bad. One month till I see him again, but if this stuff doesn't work after two weeks, I don't want to wait any longer! Medication and life style changes are not helping! Give me the goddamn surgery! I'm so tired of choking on everything I put in my mouth, heartburn, nausea, constipation, spit burning all the time, etc.

Okay, time to stop complaining. I'm done.

I've been having fun picking TV shows and movies and turning them into musicals in my head. It's so much fun, next time you're bored, try it. My sister and I have been watching the first season of "House". I had songs for almost all the characters, but I didn't write them down, and now I don't remember most of them. I do remember Cameron singing "Beautiful Disaster" and a really funny mental picture of House singing "I'm Not an Addict".

*cracks up*

January 24th, 2007

(no subject) @ 04:45 pm

Current Location: La Mancha
I either feel or want you to think I'm feeling:: determined determined

I got to see "Man of La Mancha" Sunday. It was AWESOME. I've seen it before, but I was pretty young, and definatly did not realize how absolutly amazing it IS. When I was trying out for a drama class in 7th grade, I wanted to recite a paragraph from that play about it being "wiser to be mad. . .and madest of all to see life as it is and not as it should be." but they wouldn't let me because it was a BOY'S part. Assholes.

I left the theater with the urge to destroy every mirror and everything that reflects in my house, steal a horse and grab my sword, and ride off singing "I am Lord Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha, Destoyer of Evil am I!" or possibly "To Dream the Impossible Dream", then break down a windmill, and go from there!

But, instead I think I'll go run around in the backyard singing and listening to it on my iPod.

And if you haven't seen the musical, you have no idea what I meant by all that. But, I shall leave you with this warning: BEWARE THE MIRRORS! They do show everything backwards, you know...

January 14th, 2007

(no subject) @ 02:10 pm

Twenty-six things I want to know about you....

1. Can you cook?

2. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?

3. What talent do you wish you had?

4. Favorite place?

5. Favorite vegetable?

6. What was the last book you read?

7. Are you Dirty or Clean?

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

9. Worst Habit?

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?

2. What's your philosophy on life?

3. Negative or Optimistic?

4. What was your dream growing up?

5. Worst thing to ever happen to you?

6. Do you think I'm hot or not?

7. Tell me one weird fact about you:

8. Would you have my back or kick me when I'm down?

9. Do you Trust me?

10. Have you ever kept anything from me?

11. What do you think of me as a Person?

12. Do you think I'm sane or insane?

13. Would you cry for me if I died?

14. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

15. If you could change anything about me, would you?

16. How do you fall asleep?

17. Would you come over to yell at me or just call?

18. Would you go on a blind date if I set you up?

19. If I only had one day to live would you be honest or lie?

20. A million bucks.. what would you do with it?

21. What is your worst fear?

22. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

23. How many times did you curse at me while filling out this?

24. Can you sing or dance?

25. In one word, how would you describe me? Be honest....

26. Will you re post this so I can fill it out?

January 9th, 2007

Bible Spam @ 02:13 pm

I either feel or want you to think I'm feeling:: intimidated intimidated
I'm listening to:: Morphine Tango- "Kiss of the Spider Woman"

I used to get all this spam about enlarging you penis, great sex site, bla bla bla. But NOW I never get any of that. NOW I get Bible spam. Yes, at least 10 messages a day. All with some part of a bible verse as the subject line.


January 4th, 2007

Blaaaa @ 01:23 pm

I either feel or want you to think I'm feeling:: crappy crappy

I don't feel like going to fucking therapy; the best therapy for me right now is go back to fucking bed because it's fucking freezing and raining and I feel like shit with a cough and sore throat and I'm complaining.
I'm not even sure I like this new person. But I have to go. Damn it.

December 31st, 2006

(no subject) @ 01:52 pm

If you go to my direct journal page, there's my mood pic for aggrivated and says "growling of stomach". It's at the top, and I can't seem to make it go away. Any ideas?

Cunning and captured

Free and endangered